睡不着

多么正常的一个周四晚上。

起来倒杯水，喝了又躺下。

我哪地方出错了啊。快三点了。

明天早上还要听paper啊。

一定是我睡的姿势不对。

一定是我侧的方向不对。

一定是我趴的位置不对。

窗外雨淅沥沥地下。

你妹。

Neither Out Far Nor In Deep

The people along the sand

All turn and look one way.
They turn their back on the land.
They look at the sea all day.

As long as it takes to pass
A ship keeps raising its hull;
The wetter ground like glass
Reflects a standing gull

The land may vary more;
But wherever the truth may be--
The water comes ashore,
And the people look at the sea.

They cannot look out far.
They cannot look in deep.
Btu when was that ever a bar
To any watch they keep? 

~ Robert Frost

I failed to grab a clear idea of its theme. From my eyes, Frost is describing an attitude, by building scenes. 

Look at these words: "A ship keeps raising its hull". A ship is ashore, waiting for next journey. Before the day to set out, it is just there, its hull going up and down with waves of the sea, through day and night. There is a wonderful quiet quality. "Wetter ground like glass, reflects a standing gull." This time a still image, but also wonderfully peaceful. It is a great technique to interchange "moving" and "still" images to avoid being "overly dynamic", which is disturbing, or "overly motionless", which is boring.  

Then come my favorite lines:

The land may vary more;

But wherever the truth may be--

The water comes ashore,

And the people look at the sea.

Let the land vary, let the truth wander wherever it will -- the water still comes ashore; the people still look out from the shore. Old scripts of Buddhism take Zen as inner peace of heart, not disturbed by the ever changing world. When there is peace, there is content. Why seek the truth? Truth is no more than a contented heart.

The Diamond Sūtra came to China 1600 years ago. It ends with four lines. If I were to translate them, they would be: "All has its way. All is an instant. All is like shadows, dews, or a lightening -- watch them as them are."

03.18.2012

我为什么会有两个博客呢。这一个博客的最后一篇已经是去年一月的了，头像还是两年以前的。如此不堪，让我有些震惊。然后翻到Wordpress的博客，看到过去一年还是有几篇小文，稍稍松了一口气。并不常写文字，也许是我时常感到寂寥而无所适从的原因。

不管是读文章，还是写文章，还是照相，这些与感受密切相关的活动，我认为都是相当私人的。我喜欢和不喜欢，是唯一的标准。许许多多的文字，永远不会有第二个人看到，在将它们记下来的时候，它们的意义就已经被完成了。如同流淌的日子本身，春雨滴过了，雏菊开过了，就很好了。

在给一个朋友的信件里，我写到自己有的时候会照着一篇文章，把它所有的文字一个一个再敲打一遍。有时打着打着，就会注意到曾经忽略掉的细节。有一篇文章，我总是把逗号给打成句号。原来的作者似乎特别不喜欢句号，总要把句子长长地连起来，让它的内容永远不会有终点。每次我打错的时候，总会在心底轻轻叹一声，带着歉意把它改回来。为什么我总要让故事提前结束呢？

这种文字的搬砖，有一个好处，就是永远不会结束。这让我感到安心。